Transcription: When you see this, I'm probably dead. There's so much I want to tell you. So much left to do. But I'm out of time. The president is dead, replaced by an extraterrestrial look-alike. I know what that must sound like, especially since y'all think I'm a mass murderer. But I'm not. You must believe me. I could never harm a human. Don't you realize I love you guys? I'd die for you. I will probably die for you. What hurts isn't dying, but that you hate me. If I fail, please stop this.
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